Wednesday 6 July 2011

How the Americans do small-talk, and how the Brits talk about the weather (unless, of course, we’re drunk)

British Small talk:
The Brits are awkward. If you watch us in any social situation you’ll see this see-saw of emotions in action: careering from manic laughter, to silent feet shuffling, and back to that laughter (unless of course we’re drunk).
 
Perhaps the reason we don’t act in a way that would actually endear us to the other person is because then we’d have to move past the acquaintance tag and into the realm of friend. Actual friendship can mean only the one thing: talking about emotions. And this is best avoided at all costs (unless of course we’re drunk).

If you are a true Brit you will have developed astute defense mechanisms which will help you to avoid talking about emotions.  The first defense mechanism is simply to your keep eyes down and suffer the awkward silence. The second defense mechanism is to produce a ridiculous slapstick routine to divert attention. But both of these are high-energy strategies and, so you can see, actual friendship is certainly not something to casually fall into (unless of course we’re drunk).

A much more energy efficient way of avoiding emotions is to avoid making too many actual friends in the first place, and this can be easily achieved through terrible small talk. British small talk is so terrible for 2 reasons:

  1. We never want to impose: This means that we never go beyond the usual suspects of conversation (namely the weather). This has the benefit of ensuring we are so dull that no one ever comes back for a repeat conversation. 
  2. We don’t know how to terminate a conversation:  Because we (inevitably) stick to the rules of the spoken exchange, our chit chat can only ever go on so long. After all there are a finite number of weather conditions in Britain: sunshine with rainshowers, overcast with rainshowers, rainshowers, and rain. We drag out conversations until their death –using any prop that comes to hand as the next topic of conversation - never wanting to be the terribly rude person that calls it a day.

  
American small talk:
The Americans , on the other hand, know how to do small talk. And they are so very good as small talk for all the reasons that we are so very terrible
  1. They don’t care about over-stepping the mark: The Americans have a reputation for being a little over-bearing (to avoid the extreme overbearing American I sometimes don’t just keep my eyes rooted to the ground, but actually close my eyes  mid-conversation and pretend to be asleep).  Surprisingly, the American’s lack of regard for personal space can be quite wonderful:  last week I met an old lady on a plane and ended up discussing the intimate details of a liaison with a gentleman friend, and I’ve told a barista in a coffee shop about period pains. Who knew talking about something other than the weather would be so liberating?
  2. They are happy to walk away: The Americans understand the point of small talk: they recognise that once they have got all they want from the conversation there is no need to stick around. You’ll see them graciously step away before the conversation falls to its bony knees. This bullish approach offends our romantic British minds - we hate to admit that we are using another human as a play-thing to help pass the time. Which means that instead of stepping away, us Brits hang around and make our conversation partner feel awkward instead.

I think we Brits could learn a lot from the Americans on the art of small talk. 


2 comments:

  1. Arunima Kapoor7 July 2011 at 01:34

    The British that worry me most are the ones that go through a drastic personality overhaul with alcohol, that extends way beyond ability to make small talk. Totally puzzling.

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  2. Ah, Arunima. It is not so much that our personalities change when we've been drinking - it is more that booze helps us to shake of the shackles of repression. Think of it as 'coming into our own.' In fact, what you see in Soho (London) on a Friday night is the true Britain: the rest of the week we are just too shy to let you know who we really are...

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